Surviving The Holidays...
December 5th, 2022

"It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It's the most wonderful time of the year"
We have all heard the song. So much goes into the holidays. Our houses are decorated, lights are blazing everywhere, people are out buying gifts, making meals, and doing good in the world. It is the happiest of times. There is so much more joy, smiles, and love.
For the most part anyway...
I am choosing not to use this message to give life to the negative side of the season. We all know about it, but we should never focus on it. It is important for us to understand, though, that for some people this is not the "hap-happiest season of all". For many, it is a season of deep sadness, loss, and loneliness.
Let's focus on understanding and compassion during this season.
For so many people this is one of the most difficult times of the year. There can be many reasons for this, only one of them being grief and loss.
When it comes to grief and loss, there are a lot of stigmas surrounding the process. Move on, you must continue to live and make some new memories, the first set of holidays will be the hardest --- it's easier after that. There are a plethora of other cliché remarks I have heard over the years. I am sure you have heard a few and can probably add them to the list.
I can guarantee you that someone in a state of grief understands they must move on and continue to live. They are doing it in whatever way works for them.
But when it comes to the holidays, it is often much harder to be strong. When you couple that with colder weather and less
sunlight
, it can often lead to depression and anxiety.
It also becomes difficult for those watching them grieve to stay out of a state of judgment. We are not aware that people struggling through a loss are always trying to live up to our expectations of them.
They are trying to make us happy by doing “ all the things they normally did
”. They are masters at keeping the pain to themselves.
Every...single...day.
You could find yourself angry, or disappointed because they have chosen not to attend your holiday gathering. You may take it personally even though they are just trying to keep the exhaustion at bay, trying to survive. They need time to be alone to come down from the constant cycle. They need to unwind, rest and recharge so they can continue appearing as if they are fine and continue healing. The constant fuss over the holidays can be exhausting for them. It is compounding what they are already feeling about the season and making it more difficult to endure. Take time to understand this and decide what will you choose. Will you choose love and understanding, or, anger, frustration, and judgment?
Here are some facts for you to consider.
That same holiday gathering that you cannot wait to have? That one with the good food, family, and fun. The one that includes your family, your spouse, and all your loved ones will be a constant reminder to the grieving person of the love missing from their life. For the person working thru loss, every single moment of that holiday gathering is torture. It is a very painful reminder of what is lost to them. It is like a knife in the heart. While they are happy for you and the love in your life --- the love missing from their life becomes magnified.
It is louder, more pronounced, and totally in their face. They are reminded that they will return home alone and face the next day alone. They are reminded that they once lived joy --- and now it is gone from their life, or very, very different from the joy they once experienced. Memories most certainly provide comfort. But, memories often cause deep unrelenting pain.
Your person is trying. They are doing everything they can to move on, move past and continue to live life. The moments creating these memories and moments that you treasure, and are excited for --- are not always as easy or even enjoyable for the person grieving.
Please remember, depending on the nature of the loss grief can take years to process and will often rear its ugly head at the most unexpected moments.
So if you know someone in grief, be gentle this year. If they do not want to attend your holiday gathering, give them some grace. Maybe being alone is what they need to survive the “ most wonderful time of the year
”. Maybe solitude is better than the energy that is required to share in everyone else’s joy. Maybe they are choosing to honor what they need at this moment! YOU have a choice to take this opportunity to practice LOVE --- not judgment!
Grief hits us all at one time or another. Some losses are deeper, harder to heal from, and take longer to process. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
The harder it is to get past a loss, the deeper the love and connection likely was. That is a gift.
It is possible that grief, being the cost of great love
, is also a gift. Maybe, just maybe, our choice to be graceful and understanding towards another is a gift as well.
So this year, this holiday season, this " most wonderful time of the year
" --- instead of buying obligatory gifts, or exchanging money, give the gift of true unconditional love and understanding. Honor the needs of others over yourself. How about we do what Christmas should really be about and LOVE unconditionally!
Then, and only then --- it might just turn out to be “the most wonderful time of the year”!
“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
--How the Grinch stole Christmas
Sincerely,
Fatkin Natural Healing









