I'm Broken Too...
June 27th, 2022

UGH! I am going to go all uncomfortable today! Why? Because we all need to hear it. Because it is everywhere. Because the writing is easy --- which means a higher power wants me to share!
So here goes. GRIEF!
It is ugly, it is painful, it is debilitating --- but oddly enough --- it is everywhere --- in every one of us.
Not everyone has experienced the grief associated with a devastating life loss, but that is not the only type of grief. It can be the loss of anything: a pet, a home, financial security, a job, a marriage, health--- whatever. It is all loss. It is all something we need to process.
People have a lot of cliché remarks they use when trying to comfort someone who is struggling. We do not mean to be thoughtless, often we just do not know what to say. Watching people in pain is extremely hard. The other thing that happens (even if we do not want to admit it) we realize it "could happen to us" --- and that is a hard reality to face. Sounds harsh --- but grief is just that --- harsh!
Grief is also fond of the sucker punch. You think you are doing well and moving forward and then bam! Here we go again!
Father's Day did just this to me. Several years ago, a member of my family was gravely ill. Father's Day in our house always consisted of a homemade apple pie. That year, this person was not able to eat much, so in lieu of making a regular size pie, I got an individual pie dish and proceeded to make a small pie so the tradition would still be enjoyed despite the circumstances.
I still have the dish. A few days before Father’s Day, not thinking about that time, I pulled that dish out to mix something I was making. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I remembered that entire moment of delivering the pie. I remembered the happiness at the sight of it. I remembered it all
--- including the fact that I would never have the chance do it again.
I have used that dish many times before when making something. Why did I feel sucker punched this day?
What are our choices when we are grieving. We can give up. We can refuse to live. We can refuse to love. We can refuse happiness. Most of us do not though.
We take one step at a time, and we move forward. Then we pull out a dish that has a memory attached to it, and that day we go backwards.
AND THAT'S OK!
Am I stuck in that moment? Absolutely not
. Did I remember that moment? Absolutely. With some joy --- with some pain. Did I cry? Yes. It was necessary in that moment. Did it hurt? Yes. That, too, was necessary in that moment. That is grief
. And guess what --- it is never going to go away
! And guess what is even more important than that --- I don't know that I want it too.
You see I don't want to forget that love, or those moments. They are what made me who I am today. They are what is allowing me to find joy, and happiness and love in THIS MOMENT!
When you are grieving --- you do you.
There is no right or wrong way.
There is no time limit. Many people will not walk the journey with you, they will not have the strength. That's ok, let them go. But those that are strong enough to stick with you ---- love them harder. If you are trying to comfort someone who is grieving --- stop the cliché remarks. There are no words --- there is only love and compassion. Remember your life, will and must go on. You have a purpose. What that is, and what you decide to let into your life is completely up to you. Honor your grief, your place in it, and what it has given you.
If you are grieving --- please know that you are loved, and that there are those of us that understand. We stand with you
! Take one step forward, and if you fall ten steps back that's ok. Start all over again tomorrow. My only advice is no matter how broken you are, no matter how lost you are,
LOVE MORE
!
The only answer to brokenness is love!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Recommended reading: " The Grief Recovery Handbook"
John W. James
“Grief is about a broken heart, not a broken brain. All efforts to heal the heart with the head fail because the head is the wrong tool for the job. It’s like trying to paint with a hammer—it only makes a mess.”
--John W. James
Sincerely,
Fatkin Natural Healing









